- student: hey government can I have some money to go to university
- uk government: sure here you go. you'll have to pay it back but only when you're earning £21,000+ a year, and if you don't pay it off after 30 years we'll just write it off, don't worry about it man
- scottish government: nah man just go to uni we ain't gonna charge you
- swedish government: totally here's a weekly stipend so you can focus solely on your studies no need to repay we got your back free
- us government: no. you gotta pay it yourself. upfront. your parents have to save up from the moment you're born. good luck, fucker. you have six months after graduating to start paying loans so you better pray to fucking god and jesus that you have a well-paying job by then or be prepared to be fucked up the ass without lube.
jerry accidentally walked into someone elses interview so he backtracked and pulled out his phone and just scrolled through it in the middle of the red carpet
does art imitate life? or does life imitate art?
Sometimes I judge people by how much of The Princess Bride they can quote.
fun fact At my cousin’s wedding ceremony, his brother recited this to them as the best man speech and everyone started laughing and i think the bride started to cry
If this is not recited at some point during my wedding I will be greatly disappointed.
I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favourite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and then they go back to being strangers. It’s like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.
IM LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD
dis bitch look like a above ground radish
my mom meant to post a picture of her dog and posted a picture of a turkey instead
- her: come over
- me: i can't my dog just fell asleep on my lap
- her: my parents aren't home
- me: he is ASLEEP
- Me on my wedding day: you still like me right
"can i ask you something?"
"you just did"
What if instead of throwing your pencil stubs away when they´re too short to use, you could plant them, add some water and watch them grow? Meet Sprout, a pencil with a seed! The high quality pencil features a water activated capsule at its tip, when the pencil is too short to use, you can plant it and have it grow into something delicious, beautiful and fun. Sprout comes in a variety of different flavors, from flowers, to herbs and vegies. A great idea to make writing fun again. watch the video
Funded by a successful kickstarter campaign, the Sprout Pencil is now available for purchase at amazon and in Europe at firebox
I need this